getting used and being used

It doesn’t really matter the arena (home, school, work, church, the bar) there are people everywhere who want to use you. They see you as an asset, a resource that they can put to work to accomplish their purposes. They suck the blood from your veins and when you aren’t any use to them any more then they cast you to the side.

Somewhere in the midst of this we can lose our desire to be useful to others and begin to answer the call of our own selfishness. It happens slowly. It creeps in and then we find ourselves, weeks, months or years later, desiring to consume everything around us out of bitterness and revenge and we say to ourselves, “Well if that is what the world is like, then watch out world because here I come!”

We know it is backwards but we want to be useful and sometimes we just can’t see another way. We want to be used to do good and to make a difference and to be productive. It is part of our purpose in life.

It is sad that we have to live in this brokenness but we don’t have to be doormats and we don’t have to grow bitter. Here are a few things that i have found helpful to keep things from moving into the realm of getting used and stay in the realm of being used.

• Pray about it.
  • No really! God gives wisdom to everyone who asks for it so take Him up on the offer. Praying begins the process of opening up your mind to other options than what you see right in front of you. There is a reason this is first. Ask God to guide you by His Spirit and then listen and trust the answer. Keep the lines of communication open!
• Weigh the motives.
  • What is their motive for asking and what is your motive for helping. Many times we will find that the motives are right in front of us but we are so focused on our own that we can’t see the motives of others. Stop being a people pleaser and choose what is best not what is easy. Whatever is not done in love is worthless.
• Count the cost.
  • Saying “yes” isn’t the only answer to someone’s call so take time to think about what you are investing and what will be the end result. You have limited resources so use them wisely to honor God and others.
• Ask the right questions.
  • Too many times we ask questions that pigeon hole us into guilty responses. Ask questions that determine true value and that will focus your efforts on eternal values not just temporary satisfaction.
  • One of the best questions that i use is, “What is it that only i can do?” Before you commit to a course of action make sure that it is something will not keep you from doing what God has called you to do in other areas.
• Don’t be an enabler.
  • Feeding someone’s addiction is as unhealthy for them as it is for you.
  • Don’t be afraid to let people experience pain. God has more than enough comfort and grace to go around and most people learn by experience so buffering them will just help them continue the pattern.
• Share the love.
  • Whatever you decide, make sure that you do it with the unconditional love of God and do it as worship to God. This opens the door to be used by God to break the cycle of getting used and makes you available to His purposes, for His glory.

ashes

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. From dust we came and to dust we will return but the Word of the Lord remains forever.

It is such an encouragement to have God tell us that He knows our frame and our frailty. Just the fact that there is acknowledgement of our limitations is a great comfort when I begin to measure myself up to Him.

But He goes further. He doesn’t just observe. He walked in the temptation. He walked in the pain and suffering of a fallen world to let us know that He is not just above us but He is God with us.

Today and forever He takes our ashes and gives us beauty in return.

pain

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i really battled whether this post was appropriate or not. Mainly because you may not know me very well and this post somehow makes me feel vulnerable. The people who are close to me already know the following to be true and i will qualify it with just saying that the point here is not to talk about me but to talk about us humans. i am just using my own experience and flow of thought to wrestle with the problem of pain and the necessity of pain in a world where most of us run as far from pain as possible.

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Life is really painful right now. i mean emotionally and maybe spiritually… i am still processing that part. i am not suffering. i have plenty of food (more than enough). i don’t live with chronic physical pain. Shelter, check. Love, check. Not fearing for my life, check. All in all i think my life is really easy. i am not among the half of the population of the world that lives on less than $2 a day or among the billion who live on $1 a day. i eat when i want. i have work. i have, or can get, whatever i want whenever i want it and i’m not even “rich” by the standards of the people reading this blog.

The pain is intense though. i saw a bus yesterday that was filled with severely handicapped people and i cried. i saw there faces, their heads leaning with the centrifugal force as the bus rounded the corner and i saw emptiness. Certainly there is reason to cry about all kinds of horribly unjust and depraved circumstances, but even more than that, my personal pain is coming from places where i think i am reaching into that brokenness… places where i see pain and want to help create healing. But it seems to be like an infection… any touch just brings more pain.

Reality is not what i once thought it was and people are broken far more than i ever realized. It seems that the only place of peace that i have is in the walls of my home and with a select few people who give me grace.

Even in my roles of leadership there is pain as it almost seems as if truth is chaffing their personal pain. This saying i heard becomes more real every day in my personal life and the lives of the people around me – “The truth will set you free but it will make you miserable first.”

“Don’t touch it!” That is what my son says when he gets a scrape or a splinter. But i have to clean it. i have to dig into the wound and pull out the splinter. He can’t do it himself and he wouldn’t if he could because it hurts. But more pain is just waiting in the wings of uncleansed wounds.

i just wish God would heal everything and everyone. And He will. That day is coming.

But for now He uses us, His people, to reach into the painful places and that makes us feel pain and sometimes it cause more pain.

Just living life seems to be causing an increasing amount of pain. The more responsibility i have, the more potential for pain. The more i love, the more i experience pain.

i know this sounds whiny. i hate whiny. i am not complaining. That is the difference to me. i don’t want it to change. i want to stay in the pain because i have never felt more alive in my life and it drives me deeper into depending on God.

In this pain i have had more patience and more peace than i have ever experienced within the normal boundaries my self will. It seems life is literally unbearable without God’s perspective and miraculous abilities to reinvent us in the midst of this brokenness.

When it ebbs i suddenly realize that i have been lulled to sleep by some hypnotic screen or fantastical daydream of peace apart from God. The pain never leaves though. Even in the greatest joys i know and experience, the pain of brokenness is still vibrant.

One day that will not be so… but for now i think pain is a necessary reminder of my need for God.

battling the busy “ness”

Your “ness” is supposed to be the essence of who you are. Lately that “ness” has been battered with relational challenges, illness, a clogged schedule and whatever else pops up in the moment.

It is hard to stay focused.

But just when it was beginning to sway me, this beautiful window opened and God gave me a gift that let me rejoice in His heart as a Father and exercise mine.

It takes a lot to get one-on-one time with my kids. There are three of them and the amount of time they get as individuals each day is usually measured in minutes not hours. But Monday was special. It came about very naturally and peacefully, even though Rene’ was sick in bed with the flu and the usual barrage of responsibilities had to get done.

i was able to spend a full hour and a half with each of my kids that day. Honest time given to learning who they are and living them without distraction. Walking, playing, making decisions together, just enjoying the way that they view life.

And all the while my mind just kept saying, “This is the way God looks at you Dan.” Those moments on Monday were historic – written into the fabric of my being as another layer of His never-ending handiwork. i think my “ness” learned a new way to grow.

And now as the week goes on, i am finding that other parts of my being have been invigorated and are coming out of the shadows they have been hiding in. Passions are surfacing, i am being stretched, my guitar and my voice are back in service…

i am thankful that God is always making things new.

how big is your Bible? part1

There is nothing quite like customization. i have a beer mug with my initials on it that was a groomsman present. Several years ago, my wife gave me a “stainless-steel Christmas” which included a Leatherman Wave, a thermos and insulated cup combo and a flask with my initials on it. The inside of my wedding ring has “a three-strand cord” inscribed on the inside. There is something special about having something customized for my use.

Without diving too deep into the reasons for this part of our humanity, we can understand that it exists as part of our lives and it often shows itself in what we believe. Customization shows up in our personal preferences for styles of worship or color of carpet or type of vehicle that we drive and all-in-all this is not a bad thing but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t dangerous.

One area where it is showing itself destructive in our culture is in direct regard to what people “believe” – areas defined by faith. Every faith has to have a basis, a foundation of truth that is meant to define and shape the rest of reality. No matter what you believe, there is some truth that you hold sacred and shapes the way you interact with the world around you.

My reality is shaped by how i interpret the Bible. It is further shaped by the people i choose to interact with and the music i listen to and what i eat, etc. But the main force in my life is how i interpret the Bible. i take its contents as God’s words. i have spent time finding out how those particular words were put into the “good book” but i have spent a lot more time testing the contents by following them and experiencing their power. There may be things that i don’t like within its pages (meaning that i don’t understand it all) but i haven’t set myself up to be the council that determines what should go in the Bible. In some ways it is a statement of belief in those people who have gone before me that they have listened to God’s guidance by His Holy Spirit and in some ways it is faith in God that He will guide me.

There is a lot more to say about that but really this post is about the size of your Bible. Are there portions that you have tossed to the side? Are there ideas that you hate or can’t reconcile to your heart? Do you remove parts of the Bible by simply glossing over them or refusing to read them?

Too often we fall into the trap of customizing our beliefs and defining our own truth. When we do this we are setting ourself up as the supreme ruler, the all knowing council. Not being able to understand something doesn’t make that thing any less real. I may not understand what my wife is thinking all the time but the thoughts are real and rational and valid. What is missing on my part is revelation.

We need to let God’s revelation of Himself change the way we define Him and the way we define ourselves. In order to do that we have to immerse ourselves in the whole counsel of God’s Word so that our minds can be one with the mind of Christ. If your Bible is only as big as your understanding then your faith is in what you believe to be true not what He says is true. Don’t miss out on the fullness of Who God is by limiting Him to your understanding.

birth, still-birth and rebirth

A woman in my community just had a baby a few weeks ago. Another one is having her baby any day. My wife and i just had our third child about 7 months ago. Another woman in our community miscarried only a couple of weeks ago. And just over a year ago, i officiated the memorial of a precious child who was born prematurely from another woman in our community, but she now has the promise of life again poised to burst forth from her womb… on her own birthday.

Too often we miss the stories that are swirling around us because we are simply living in our own minds and hearts. Living a life internalized and focused on our own fears, our own pain, our own dreams, our own hopes, our own happiness, we push aside the consideration, intentional care and compassion that God intends us to minister to the world around us and we balk. We push aside the ministry of reconciliation that God has revealed to us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and we defer to those who are “more spiritual”, “more talented”, “stronger”, “love God more”, or, maybe even more twisted, those whom we believe “God loves more”.

There is a section of Mark 7 where Jesus talks about what defiles us. He says, “All of you listen, and try to understand. You are not defiled by what you eat; you are defiled by what you say and do!” And then he added, “It is the thought-life that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you and make you unacceptable to God.”

This is the reality of the battle within us. The reality of the pain that comes through the infant spiritual nature inside of us growing and being molded and shaped into the image of Christ. The reality of the hope that does not put us to shame and that promises us power to overcome all things with grace.

God has birthed in us a hope for truth and change. Too many times i have let my mind focus on the temporary pleasures that kill those God-given desires. Too many times i have taken my eyes off of Christ and have terminated the life He was willing and longing to bring into reality.

i pray that we would seek God to give us the courage to face the pains of childbirth as He truly reinvents us as “new creations in Christ Jesus.” We can freely talk about what the Scripture says and we can feed ourselves from the Word of God. We can speak truth into the lives of the people who know that we love them unconditionally. We don’t have to push aside the power that exists in the truth of God’s Word. We can confront it and live in reality. Be bold. Be brave. Be confident in the fact that the loving God killed a piece of Himself to make you acceptable in His sight.

silence

Silence is a powerful force. It can inspire creativity, celebrate calm collectedness or bring distress to a seeking mind. It can be an uncomfortable wall of nothing that leaves a haunting wonder in its lack of definition or a place of glorious peace that revels in the safety of a King’s arms.

That day was normal in my 12-year old mind. A placid Saturday filled with family, friends and a yard sale. We lounged in a friend’s room playing video games. We fished through friend’s toys looking for cheap joy. Dust rolled as we ran around in the back yard and took turns shooting each other with a spring-powered BB gun that hurled little mirrored balls of metal at about 100fps.

In the front yard, second-hand items were being traded for the clank of quarters and the rustle of bills. The sun shone wildly and the wind whispered through the tall pines that dropped their needles upon outgrown shirts and played out toys. Life was in full swing and cares were wrapped around getting the most for your money and not getting shot in the eye with a BB.

Many sounds filled the air as the day rolled into history – children’s laughter, the “whoooosh” of cars driving by, questions that challenged the value of little glass bottles, car doors slamming like erratic cannon fire as pirates raided with the expectation to find treasure. And then, a simple shout of joy, “Daddy!” A screech of tires. Awed gasps. Silence.

My father worked on Saturdays. It was a constant source of pain for him. There was nowhere he would rather be than spending time with his family and i remember many years later when he took me to the side and with streaming tears asked if he had hurt me by not being available on those Saturdays. It wore on him greatly to know that he was missing part of our lives and yet he knew that his labor was not for “extras” but for necessities. He showed up in the early afternoon that day at the yard sale. i was in the front yard with my two sisters when he arrived.

The shout of joy came from my youngest sister as she saw “Daddy” and proceeded to run towards him with all the rapture she could muster – a blinding force in our lives when we fully commit. This wouldn’t have been a problem except that my father was parked on the opposite side of the road from where we were. She blindly and deafly ran as a car crossed her path and her name was screamed in curdled voices laced with terror.

The screech of tires came from the second car. The car that had been going too fast around a curve – hurtling into the unknown without regard for oblivious 5-year olds.

The awed gasps accompanied a resounding thud. And then, deathly still silence.

“Normal” changed that day. Hope and joy were redefined. Prayer found fervency. Cares took on new meaning and reality was forever changed. i thank God for the gift He gave my family of walking through that fire. i thank Him more that in those hours His presence was known, felt and acknowledged. Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, we walked in those searing hot flames with our LORD and came out on the other side refined and not even smelling of smoke.

In the silence we have the greatest opportunity to hear the sweet voice of the sufficient God – to let Him walk us through our lack of understanding and bring us to a place where truth replaces our carefully built facades in a second-hand world. In the silence you find out who you are and you realize He IS with you.

This is the story that will never resolve. There is no end to His faithfulness. There is no limit to His power. Regardless of the circumstance or outcome, He is writing His story into our lives. And in the silence of your wondering, you don’t get to know the end of the story… not yet. It is still being written in you day by day as He speaks in the silence. Are you listening?

little “i”

A while back, i was watching some words on a projected screen and began to notice that, wherever there was an “i” by itself, it was kept in the lowercase. These little “i”s were meant to bring perspective and minimize the power of “I”. They were a visual reminder that i am not pre-eminent in the world. i thought it was interesting but didn’t really think about it again until i began to write these thoughts down and decided to use this blog as an exercise in minimizing myself.

It takes effort. It isn’t just a visual reminder but it changes the way i type (just happened) and makes me spend more time to complete the thought. And it is even a reminder as i write these thoughts down that they aren’t really here to express who i am but they are here to challenge who i am so that i become…

…stronger.

…bolder.

…wiser.

…more like Jesus.

Thanks for bearing with me. No the ‘shift’ key isn’t broken… i am just trying to leverage it against myself.

a little rant…

This post is a little out of character for me (and so it scares me) but i am going to write it because i am trying to practice sharing my thoughts, even if they aren’t fully formed. i am also usually on the side of trying to understand others viewpoints so i don’t usually react externally. i am going to react a little and see what happens… hopefully, i will learn something. It is also worth saying that i believe that the things that upset us the most are usually things that we struggle with – what we have little tolerance for is related to our own weaknesses.

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It bugs me when people say that God is up to something… in the sense that there is a great move of God on the horizon… like there is going to be this explosion of godliness and God is going to do something really cool.

It seems to me that God is always in the business of doing great things, speaking great things and overall just desiring to share His greatness with us. He wants to and is able to knock our socks off, blow our minds and (insert metaphor of your choice here), just because of Who He is.

i almost hope i am wrong on this (and i hate being wrong). i hope i am wrong because if i am not then a lot of Christians are wrong because they seem to think that they are waiting on God to show up and do something in their lives. They seem to think that God is too busy for them and has more important things to do or is at a pep rally with all the angels gearing up for His next great appearance where He is going to do some big “move of the Spirit.”

He is always moving. He is always striving to work with us. The perceived lull in His interactions with us really has nothing to do with what He is doing but with what we are doing. He is always speaking but we are not always listening. He has paved the path for us to walk but we are slipping off the shoulder, distracted by the sonic fluttering of our phone like a human version of Pavlov’s dog.

It bugs me because i see this dynamic in my own life and i hate it.

God is always at work. He never slumbers or sleeps. He is never complacent in working things out for the good of those who love Him and want His purposes to be lived out in their lives.

God’s abundance isn’t just waiting to be unleashed in the future. It is available right now as we do the will of God that we know, and then let Him unveil His will that we aren’t even aware of yet.

i need to worship Him for Who He is and not just what He has done (or will do) or because i want Him to do something.

the beauty of hindsight

Hindsight is a wonderful tool. If you use it only for regret then you have wasted it without regard to its true power. If you use it simply as a pump to inflate your delusional perceptions of yourself then you have left reality behind long ago and probably many relationships as well. But if you hold it carefully and look with care, then you will see the true beauty of looking into the past.

The past is gone. It has faded but it has also left its mark. Hindsight has the power to refine your greatest dreams, focus your most long-suffered hopes and catapult your faith into realms of authenticity that will bear fruit in your personal life and your most intimate relationships.

Hindsight’s true and greatest power lies not in condemnation or convolution, but in conviction. The ability to look at your past behavior and learn to change is greatest gift you can give yourself and the people you love. To repeat the same behavior and expect different results is the definition of insanity.

As a follower of Christ, i long to echo the words of Paul, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, i press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.”

True freedom in Christ allows us the luxury of admitting we are wrong. The Gospel declares that the price has been paid and we are free. Walk with the hope that does not disappoint and if you can’t find it then find someone to walk with you and teach you in His ways… the ways of truth.

 

Discussion Questions:

How is hindsight your enemy instead of a conduit of God’s wisdom to help heal your brokenness?

What do you believe about the freedom you have been given by Jesus Christ? Where in your life do you experience it?

What hope do you have for change? What/Who do you depend on for motivation/inspiration?